Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
