just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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