so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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