just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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