Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
