His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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