I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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