Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
