I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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