Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
