Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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