Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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