you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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