So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
