The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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