im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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