I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
