There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
