Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
