Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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