So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
