please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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