I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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