as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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