i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
