I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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