I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
