biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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