The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
