That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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