I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
