I'd wear matching sweaters with you
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
