Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
