someone threw a dead crab at me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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