I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
