we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
