He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i think i just lost a toe
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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