I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
