no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
