I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
