when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize