Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
