I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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