how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
