i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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