I'm jealous of your bromance
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
