Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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