Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
