Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
