So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
