yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
