just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
