I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
