At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
