You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
