It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
