do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
