I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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