If you die in college, do you die in real life?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
