she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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