I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As shirtless as possible
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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