two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
