Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
