I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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