She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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