Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
