I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
