my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
