I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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