i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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