I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
