Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i love accidental penises.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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