come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
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I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".