Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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