have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
