i love accidental penises.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
