Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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