Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
