She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
