she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
