i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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