I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
