so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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