my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
