Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
