I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
50% drunk capacity currently
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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