bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this boner is exhausting
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
