can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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