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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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