His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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