I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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