You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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