He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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