how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
