I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Enjoy the penises
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
