Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
