someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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